What I’d really do with super powers.
A lot of kids dream of
one day becoming a superhero, but like all childhood dreams, it is soon crushed
by the harsh jaws of reality (except for the kids who end up ignoring reality –
they get crushed by gravity after they attempt to jump off a bridge in their
superman costume). So, the dreams of an innocent child turn into the sick
fantasies of adolescence. And that is where I come in – to tell you what I, and
most people, would do if they had super powers.
Invisibility – Probably the most obvious super power. Most people
who lie would probably say that they’d use it to fight crime somehow. I, on the
other hand, admit that I would probably just walk into a girls’ locker room. I
really wouldn’t do anything else… except maybe I’d collect nude photos of
celebrities and sell them for tons of money. Actually, I’d also collect nude
pictures of all my female friends (but those would be just for me).
The power
to stop time (a la Clockstoppers) – This
would be the most fun to have. I would freeze time in a really busy place and
then take the clothes off of every female in the vicinity. Then I’d put every
scrap of clothing into a giant pile and set it on fire, so no female could get
re-dressed. It would be mayhem... sexy, sexy mayhem!
Super
strength/speed – I’d gloat that I was stronger
and faster than you.
Super
flexibility – My first reaction would be
to use this power during sex, but on second thought, I’d still prefer lying on
my back while the woman does all the work.
The power
to turn back time – You know when someone
insults you and you think of a great comeback about 5 minutes too late? Yeah, I’d just use it to correct that.
Teleportation – Duh. I’d teleport my cock into random girl’s vaginas. Now, before you get all offended because of the moral issues (e.g. rape) this collides with, keep in mind that I’d be wearing a condom. So, it wouldn’t be THAT bad.
I
think I’m going to write a comic book with characters that have these
powers. I think I could outsell Marvel
and DC. Hey, they would probably even make a super hero movie about it
eventually. The Adventures of the Teleporting Cock – coming to a comic book
store near you!
Comments? jeremiah@yourapathy.net
© 2004-2005 by Jeremiah
I have the power to write shitty internet articles.