Today I got my very first hate mail! It is an exciting thing when you are a writer of satire. Anyway, I'll cut to the chase, here it is:
From: Nick Mason <email@example.com>To: firstname.lastname@example.orgDate: Fri, 8 Oct 2004 16:32:26 -0400Subject: You're not Maddox.
No matter how much you want to be, you're not. Also, look up "apathy." Anyone with enough time to put up a webpage about this shit obviously isn't apathetic.Know what'd be even better? You could put up a section where you ham-handedly retort to my letter. You could call it "Dislike Mail"! It'll be great.
That is a great first hate mail to get. Now this is the part where I "ham-handedly retort." First of all, calling me unoriginal is the most unoriginal thing you can say (and I am unoriginal for saying that because I know people have said it before). Maddox is great, but this is not his website... I obviously know that, so you don't have to tell me that I am not him. If you are looking for his page, just type "Maddox" into Google.
Now that we've both agreed that I am, in fact, not Maddox, I can continue by telling you that I am not the only person who has created this type of website. If you want to find many other websites exactly like this, click here (or just stay here and read everything).
Finally, I know what "apathy" is. I don't have to look it up. Do you honestly think I'd create a website called "yourapathy.net" if I didn't know what apathy was? The title is not meant to be literal, it is meant to be ironic. If you come to this website and don't understand why it says "I've got your apathy right here!" on the top, you should go look up "brain dead" in the dictionary and learn how to apply the word to yourself.
From: **************@aol.comTo: email@example.comDate: Thu, 14 Oct 2004 06:58:58 EDTSubject: (no subject)
In regard to "Insane Clown Posse: The Stupidest Band in Existence," I would like to say thank you.No, I am not serious, I am being sarcastic.Thank you for stereotyping "Juggalos." I appreciate it. Please inform me how me where you go this information that all Juggalos are concerned with their image? Because I am very sure I do not try to look like a "badass" in fact I do not attempt to look like anything. I care the least about my appearance then the majority of people you will ever meet, and I guarantee that.Please info me that how changing their names to make them see more violent helped them sell records back when their first real CD sold 17 copies on the first day. Good job changing their names did, huh?I can't even remain to be sensible. You are a retard, and I hope you wrote this just trying to be stupid or ranting. Because your argument is lame, and has far too many fawls to ever stand up to a rebuttal, if it wasn't 5am and, I was actually awake.Well, I have to go now, to go study for college. Some place I am afraid you will never be able to go, at least not with writing like that.-EriKa aka "BeRzZzeRkO"
First off, I'd like to say you're welcome. Just kidding. But really, people like this person who deliberately label themselves are stupid. If you call yourself a Juggalo, you obviously care enough about your appearance to keep up the façade of being a Juggalo... otherwise you'd let yourself be just a person who likes a band.
The argument about the 17 CDs is stupid; plain and simple. Even if this figure is true, the reason they changed their names was so that they could gain a fabricated "attitude." Whether it worked or not is irrelevant. I hoped that helped to "info" you.
It looks to me like this email has too many "fawls" in it, because the author has been owned. And just because you are in college, doesn't make you smart... You are the one who is reading this website at 5 O'clock in the morning... anyone doing that is really stupid.
P.S. Look at her signature: "EriKa aka 'BeRzZzeRko.'" That alone makes me want to bitch-slap the whore who wrote this.
© 2004 by Jeremiah